


Don't Spill the Tea

by sayoko



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: idk man it's 4 am
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-19
Updated: 2016-05-19
Packaged: 2018-06-09 09:41:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6900790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sayoko/pseuds/sayoko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just gonna say, if you like: hisoillu, illumi being in denial, and zoldyck family interactions, come read this.</p>
<p>Takes place at the Zoldyck mansion.<br/>At the day of the match of the century.</p>
<p>I should go to sleep now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Spill the Tea

Illumi was so startled by his grandfather’s scream he almost spilled his cup of tea. He knew the old man would be surprised to see him, but not that he would be that excited.

“Ooh!! Illumi, I didn’t know you were home! It’s been a while!”

The eldest brother bowed down slightly. “Hello, grandpa.”

Zeno bowed down as well and stood by his side, smiling broadly. Illumi knew he was expecting him to continue chatting, but it had been so long since he last had a casual conversation with his grandfather that he was not sure what to say.

“Do you want a cup of tea?”

“Sure! Did you brew it?’”

“Yes”

“Very well, let’s see if you can make tea!”

He poured another cup and both of them sat down at the kitchen table.

“Aaah… Green tea, good choice and good temperature. Approved.”

“Thank you.”

The oldest brother looked down at his cup and traced his fingers over the grainy texture of the rustic ceramic. His grandfather may have been in a good mood, but he was not. He wanted to distract himself, which was why he had decided to go all the way to the kitchen and make his own tea instead of asking a butler. Still, he was not really in the mood to talk.

“It sure is quiet here…” Zeno added after a while.

Illumi nodded and waited a couple of seconds before responding. “Yeah, you can tell Killua is missing…”

They both took a long sip of green tea. The conversation was taking a complicated turn and, since Zeno had no intention of ending up arguing with his stubborn grandson, he tried to change the topic. “And Kalluto! …Well, that little mouse didn’t make much noise, but you can tell he's missing too.”

Illumi lifted his head and stared at the old man, face blank yet somehow clearly alarmed. “Is Kalluto missing too?”

“Oh, no, no! He’s still in touch and has visited us a couple of times… But it’s not the same as having him living here, you know?”

“Yeah…”

“And Milluki never leaves his room… And you are always occupied with work… And-” Zeno stopped abruptly before bringing Alluka, the other problematic topic, into the conversation. “ Well, this house feels so empty now…”

Illumi nodded, his eyes lost in the design of the cup once more.

“…You know, when Kikyo had you, she was 18 years old, I believe... Yes, and Silva was 22.”

Illumi furrowed at the strange comment. What did it have to do with the rest of the conversation?

“…How old are you?” Zeno added.

_Please don’t._ Illumi could imagine where this conversation was headed now. 

“I’m 26.”

“Ooh! So when are you going to give me great grandchildren?”

Illumi huffed. His assumption was right, and he was annoyed. Talking about future plans was not exactly what he had in mind when he went down to the kitchen to relax.

“It’s not in my plans yet, grandpa.”

“EH?! Why not?! You are already old enough! More than enough I’d say!!” Zeno had become so loud Illumi feared someone would come and join the conversation.

“It’s not a priority” He said in a low voice, hoping that the old man would lower his as well. “Besides, I thought it was Killua’s duty to carry on with-“

“BAH! Why just him? It’s not like we can’t feed more mouths. All of you should bless this house with babies!”

Illumi opened his mouth to reply, but stopped to think of the right words. It was not that simple. Yes, he had thought many times of having little assassins of his own, but it was not on the top of his list. His priority was not himself, it was Killua. More exactly, it was making sure Killua became the powerful assassin he was born to be, and making sure he took his place as the family heir. Just after achieving that, and only after that, he would start worrying about a family of his own.

“Maybe someday…”

“Someday? Don’t you ‘someday’ me. I’m old. I want to see my great grandchildren running around the house before I die.”

“I don’t think you’ll die anytime soon.”

Zeno brushed away the comment and continued babbling about the imaginary kids. He was going all out. Sentence after sentence of babies doing cute baby things, all buzzing into Illumi’s head, making him so dizzy he just had to interrupt.

“You will have to wait for a long time because I don’t even have a partner yet.”

“What? No way” The grandfather lifted a single eyebrow. “Not even a secret one?”

“Not even a secret one.”

“Oh, come on.”

Illumi shook his head in response.

“…But you must have a list of candidates, right?”

“Eh…”

There was no need for more words; Zeno understood the negation in his tone.

“Boy, don’t lie to me. You have been to all over the world. In all these years, there must have been someone that has caught your eye.”

Of course there had been many people, but it was a particular face that popped up on Illumi’s mind and made his eyes widen for a fraction of a second; an action that did not go unnoticed by the experienced assassin.

“Aha! Who is the lucky girl?”

Illumi felt a knot on his throat. “It’s not like that.”

“Like what?”

Zeno was a traditional man, how could Illumi explain to him that it was not exactly a girl he was thinking of? Or that there was no attraction between them? At all? And that he was not in denial, at all? No, the man had just… “Caught his eye”, like Zeno had said. It was just the wording on that sentence that had made him think of him. That was all.

“C’mon Illumi, you can tell your grandfather.”

Illumi sighed. It was better to pretend that that person was a woman, maybe that way his grandfather would be satisfied and stop.

“It’s not like I’m attracted to her. I just… find her to be very interesting.”

“Aaah, of course, of course… What is so interesting about her?”

“She… she is quite an opponent. I believe we are almost at the same level, both in strength and intelligence, that’s why I haven’t tried to kill her yet. There’s… no certainty with her. You may think you know her, but she’s full of surprises.”

Zeno was clearly displeased. “What else?”

“Uh?”

“Of course she’s strong! You wouldn’t lay your eyes on someone weak. Tell me other stuff, like, what does she look like?”

“Hmm… She is a redhead.”

His grandfather opened his eyes wide and whistled. “A redhead, huh?”

“Yes.”

“What else???”

“…Her eyes are yellow. No, that doesn't explain it well. Like golden? But not that dark… I don’t know, it’s strange.”

“That’s very pretty, but it’s not what I’m talking about.”

Illumi looked at him confused.

“I mean, is she…” The old man smirked and put both hands in front of him, as if holding invisible, exaggeratedly big breasts. “…well endowed?”

Illumi closed his eyes and inhaled as he tried to shake off the mental image of Hisoka’s chest that had involuntarily emerged in his brain. “…You could say so.”

“Mm! What about…?” The old man signaled his behind with his eyes.

He breathed out. “…No. She-” He paused, then looked down at the table. “I haven’t really looked at her that much.”

“We are too deep in this talk for you to start lying to me.”

“… Fine. It’s regular butt.”

“Ah, how boring.”

“No, but!” Illumi stopped when he realized he had, for some inexplicable reason, just jumped on his fake love interest’s defense. It was no use, he had already opened his mouth and his grandfather was waiting for him to continue. Illumi rested his elbows on the table and waited a few seconds before looking up, face as composed and neutral as ever. “…She has a very small waist.” He paused. “And she’s constantly training, so she’s in very good shape.”

“Aah! Then she must have a firm butt.”

“Oh god.” The eldest grandchild let out, and Zeno knew he had to take that chance.

"That's what she'll be saying later, won't she?" He said, waggling his eyebrows.

Illumi wrinkled as if someone had sprayed lemon juice over his face. Of course the mental image was there. Of course his brain would offer a detailed picture of his smudged makeup, disheveled hair, and blissed-out face as he said those words. And of course the image would not leave his mind no matter how much he tried to, _of fucking course_.

At first, Zeno was entertained, then alarmed. The way the boy’s facial muscles were twitching looked as if he was having a stroke. “Alright, alright, I’m sorry! Tell me about her personality now. …She isn’t like your mom, is she?”

“No.” Illumi blinked a few times as he regained his usual composure. “She can be complicated, though… But all in all, she’s ok.”

Illumi’s curt tone clearly indicated that he didn’t want to continue the conversation, but it was the first time in months that Zeno had managed to make the boy talk so much, so he wasn’t going to let it end soon.

“I see! What does she do for a living? What are her hobbies?”

“She’s a hunter. I don’t know exactly what she does, but I know she likes travelling around, meeting new people…” He seemed to hesitate before adding a last hobby. “And fighting.”

“She likes fighting?” The old man whistled. “She’s a wild one.”

Illumi closed his eyes and just nodded. Then, without really analysing if it was necessary to add more disguised real information, he said “In fact, today she’s going to risk her life against a man with way more abilities than her.”

“Then what the hell are you doing here? You should be with her, cheering her up!”

Illumi’s eyes squinted for a fraction of a second. “No.”

“Then how will she know she has your support?”

“I don’t think she cares about my support. Actually, I don’t think she cares about me at all.” _Or well, at least in one way, as an opponent_ , he added mentally, but that was a topic that would lengthen the chat even more, so he omitted it.

“Nonsense. How could she not? I bet she likes you too. Look at yourself, you are very handsome. And even if you weren’t, you are a Zoldyck! Many girls would kill to be a Zoldyck’s wife!”

“Mmmm, yeah I don’t think she’s into commitment either.”

“But have you even talked about it? Illumi, have you even courted this lady?”

The lemon was back on Illumi’s eyes.

“Are you too shy? You are all too shy. Let’s go to the fight, you can introduce me after her victory and I can act as your wingman.”

“Oh god no. No, grandpa. Thanks, but, I’m fine. Besides, you shouldn’t get your hopes high. I’m sure she’ll fight to the death and, to be honest, all odds are against her.”

“Oh, don’t say that! For you to be interested in her, she must be very special. Have some faith on the gal. As you said, the odds may be against her, but she can still surprise you.”

Illumi fixed his gaze on his grandfather’s. He wanted to ask him. Zeno was, after Maha, the most experienced assassin in the house; if there was someone to ask for a fight analysis and results prediction, it was him. The words, however, never left his parted lips. That would be admitting he was worried, and he could not be worried about Hisoka. Why would he? He was not a friend, much less some weird love interest. The lie had gone too far and it was starting to mess with Illumi’s head, that was all. He was also very tired, probably needed some rest. Yes, that was all.

“Thanks grandpa.”

“Oh, it’s nothing… Just promise me one thing, if she wins, you have to ask her out.”

“Alright, I’m done with my tea.”

“Invite her to a nice dinner… And propose.”

“I’m going to my room now.”

“If you can get married this very same day you two could celebrate both her victory and your honeymoon tonight!”

Zeno chuckled as he watched his older grandson dash out of the room stiff as a robot. That had been nice. He did not remember Illumi being so sincere since he was a little child. Zeno took the last sip of his tea. He hoped to meet the mysterious woman soon.


End file.
